Clean Joke Thread

[desert rose]

Hey guys! I was starting this thread for clean jokes and stuff and if you have a funny joke or something post it, but don't make it dirty or something in that matter. I have a joke that I heard yesterday...

a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk in to a bar. the blonde's never been there before, but she wants to just play along and watch what everybody else does, so she won't be left out of anything. so while shes setting at the bar, she notices something wierd. the brunette setting at the other end yells, Hey, bartender! Gimme a G6T with a H then the bartender yells Alright, G6T with an H, coming right up! and then he hands her a drink. The blonde looks at the brunette funny, and asks What's that supposed to mean? the brunette says It's a code. We order beverages by codes at this place. The blonde replies, Aww, thats cute. then she sets back down. then the redhead sitting beside her yells Yo, Bartender! Can you make me a 67M? and the bartender says Sure! One 67M coming right up! and then he hands her a drink. The blonde, confused, asks the redhead, What the heck is that? and the redhead says It's a code we use to order drinks here. The blonde replies, Oh yeah, I think that brown-haired lady said something similar to that. But what do I say when I want a drink? and the redhead says Just yell it in code. So, the blonde thinks she has everything figured out. She stands up and yells to the bartender Hey, bartender! 15! I want a 15! The bartender, puzzled, asks the blonde, 15? What's a 15? and the blonde replies, You know, 7 plus 7.

haha, okay, [splat] :D I thought it was funny. If you have a funny joke or better one than that, go ahead and post it. Until then, see ya!

[Day]

Hey I am a blonde or a dirty blonde because my hair is starting to go dark. I can't think of any clean jokes at the moment.
Taht was a very cool/funny joke.


Later Day.

[mandoplayer15]

I have one that is Short:) Why did the blond resolve to have only three kids? Because she heard that one out of every four children is born chinise

[Day]

Now that was weird,but funny.


Later Day

[Guesswho_Chick]

hehe

just about my absolute favorite joke is A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a drink and a mop :D I just find that soooo funny!!!!! *giggles*

one more, that's quite a bit longer....

A mad scientist is attempting the age old experiment, bringing the dead back to life. But first, he needs a few bodies. He orders his assistant Igor *of course* to go out into a graveyard and dig up some corpses. He comes to a double grave marked Mr. and Mrs. Hill and figures they'll do, so he takes them back to the lab. Now they're on the table, and the scientist is about to begin work when he tells Igor You know I can't work without the radio on. So Igor goes over and turns on the radio. As soon as it's on, the two bodies stand up and start dancing. When he sees this, Igor points and shouts Look master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!!! hehehehe oooo that's awful!! ;)

[mandofocus]

Ok I got two that are lame but I still enjoy them.

1. 2 guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one woul've ducked.

2. A bannana walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says sorry, we don't serve food. Bannana says that's great. I ordered a drink.

:p

[NCFan4Ever]

That was a freakin hilarious joke about the skeleton!

Here's my favorite joke ever:
What kind of bee makes milk?
A BOOBEE!!

Here's my second favorite joke ever:
Once there was this guy named Bill the Head. He was just a head and no body. Well, one day, this fairy came to his house and said: I'll grant you two wishes. Bill the Head was like AWESOME! First, I want a torso. Second, I want some arms and some legs. So he gets a body and arms and legs. Well, Bill is having so much fun having a body, and one day he was playing outside with a ball and it rolled into the street. Bill went to get it and got hit by a car and died.

And the moral of the story is: quit while you're a head.

[linzee_nc]

This is the only one I can think of right now...

A blonde is driving in the country when she sees a boat in the middle of a field. She stops her car and sees that another blond is in the boat, fishing. This makes the first blonde really mad and she yells, You know, it's blondes like you doing stupid things that give the rest of us a bad reputation, and if I could swim I would come out there and kick your butt.

[Guesswho_Chick]

Rotfl mandofocus!!!! Number one was great!!!!!! :)

And glad you liked the skeleton joke NCFan4Ever!! :)

ooooo man, I know I know some blonde jokes... :P arg!!

Here's another good one...

Why'd they bury the fireman on the hill??

Because he was dead.

hehehe

and

What do you call a fish with two knees??

A two-knee fish *ya gotta say this one outloud*

[kerchi]

Ok, I don't get the fireman joke.[think har Or is that the point? Is it a dry humor joke? You know, to make someone think, and of course they aren't thinking of the obvious, 'cause it's a joke?[think]

[katielady77]

i've got 3 stupid jokes

1.theres these 2 muffins, and thier sittin in the oven, one muffin looks at the other and says, wow, it's really hot in here, and the other one says,omg! a talking muffin!

2. so there're these OTHER 2 muffins sittin in the oven, and the 1st muffin says, gosh, it's really cold in here, and the other says,dude, the oven isn't on yet!

3. theres this family of tomatoes walkin along the side of the road, and the baby starts to fall behind, so the daddy tomato throws a rock at the baby and yells,ketchup!

i will accept all tomatoes thown at me 4 those incredibly styupid jokes [splat] [splat] [splat] [splat] [splat]

i loved the two guys walk into a bar one, that was hilarious, as was the skeleton joke.

[Day]

Ok I have one,but I want to say it right, so I will be back later.

Later Day

[mandofocus]

okie dokie. I have 2 more.

1. What do Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Muffett have in common?
They both have Kurds in thier way.


and I found this one at jokes.com

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, So, how's it going down there in Hell?
Satan replied, Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
God was surprised, What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here.
No way, replied Satan. I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him.
God threatened, Send him back up here now or I'll sue!
Satan laughed and answered, Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?

[linzee_nc]

OK Chris told this one at a concert...

-What did the pirate rate his movie?
-Arrr

This is one my dad was laughing about for a week straight...

A guy wants his wife dead, so he hires a retired hit man named Arty. Arty tells the guy that he will do the job for just one dollar. So he goes to Kroger, where the woman works, and finds her alone in the breakroom, so he chokes her. Just then, the janitor walks in, so he has to choke him too. As the hit man is walking away, the boss sees him, so he chokes him too. The next day the head lines read *say outloud* Arty chokes three for a dollar at Kroger

Here's one of my favorites...

One day in Heaven, Jesus told Saint Peter that he could have a day off. So Jesus was watching the pearly gates when an old man came up. Jesus said, tell me about your life
The old man said, I was a carpenter. People called me Joe for short. I once had a son, though he wasn't really my son. In fact, he wasn't a real boy at all. He died one day, but then he came back to life.
Then Jesus looked at the old man and ,with a tear in his eye said, Dad?
And the old man said,Pinnochio?

[NCFan4Ever]

This guy dies and goes to Hell, where Satan tells him that he has three choices as to how to spend eternity. First, he takes him to a room where everyone is burning. Here, Satan says, you are burned constantly all day long, but once every day you get to have a drink of water. Then, Satan takes him to another room. Here, he says, you have to work constantly for all eternity. Finally, he takes him to the last room, where everyone is standing knee-deep in crap. Here, he says, you have to be in crap forever.

So the guy starts to think about his choice. Well, I really don't want to be burned, and I really don't want to work for all eternity, but I think I could be OK standing knee-deep in crap. Satan, I'll take the third room.

Satan says Good, and takes him into the third room. When the guy is standing firmly in the crap, Satan says....

Okay, now everybody back on your heads!

[mandofocus]

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said,
Mummy, why is my name Petal?
The mother replied, Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.
The next baby walked up and asked, Mummy why is my name Rose? she replied,
Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head. The last baby walked up to her and said,
BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.
The mother replied, Shut up, Fridge.

[Guesswho_Chick]

lol mandofocus!!! :D

A man was desperately in love with his girlfriend Lorraine, and knew he could never live without her. But one day, he met a girl named Clearly, and nearly fell in love. He went for a walk on the banks of a river, trying to sort out his feelings and figure out a way to get rid of Lorraine. To his surprise he saw Lorraine swimming in the river, when she suddenly went under and drowned. He leapt for joy and started running on the banks, singing I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone

:D that is the most awful thing ....

[Guesswho_Chick]

and I'm going to be really mean to you guys, and post, *Drumroll* various elephant jokes!! WOOHOO!!! :D

How do you tell the difference between and elephant and a pickle?
A pickel is green.

How can you tell an elephant's in your bed?
There's a big E on his pajamas.

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
A grape is purple.

Why do elephants lay on their backs with their feet in the air?
To trip butterflies. :D

Why do elephants wear red and green tennis shoes?
To hide in cherry trees.

What's in between elephant toes?
Slow people. heh heh

How can you tell there's an elephant in your fridge?
The door won't close. Or there's a big footprint in your pizza. :D

What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw a herd of elephants?
Look Jane - there's a herd of elephants!

What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses?
Nothing. He didn't recogonize them. :D

What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw a herd of elephants?
Look Tarzan - there's a herd of grapes! *she was colorblind...

hehehehe

and while this one isn't an elephant joke, it's too good... :)

What's green and red and goes 500 mph?
A frog in a blender.

[mandofocus]

Keeping with elephant jokes real quick.

Q: What do you get if you mix and elephant with a rhino?
A: Eliphino

[Guesswho_Chick]

Rotfl!!!! :D

Man I love elephant jokes! Glad somebody else does, too! *besides just my father, I mean*

check out this page :D

http://www.jy-muggeridge.freeserve.co.uk/elejokes.htm